Christians and Personal Conflict

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The largest obstacle preventing us from reconciling conflict is the lack of involving God in healing the problem. We may pray that He will sort it out, but we ignore the wisdom He provides through Scripture and the wisdom He gives to people that can counsel us. We run from our problems because we fear they are too big for us even though God tells us not to be afraid and that His perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:8). We tear down our supposed opponents with words and violence and forget about cultivating the fruit of the Spirit. We forget that God solved the most important conflict of all, reconciling us back to him through the blood of Jesus.

Managing conflict isn’t something to ignore, or even win. Scripture admonishes us to seek reconciliation. Jesus says in his Sermon on the Mount that even before we go worship God at the temple (church), if one close to us is angry with us then we should first “go and be reconciled,” (Matt 5.24 NIV). Also, the Apostle Paul writes that we should not let the sun go down on our anger with another person because it could cost us more if we ignore it (Eph 4:26).

Breathing Out Grace

Conflict provides us with amazing opportunities. It is the opportunity to show the power and love of God in your life. It is the opportunity to show what exactly you think of God by the way you respond to the conflict. It is the opportunity to live out the Gospel you so strongly believe in. It is the opportunity to glorify God, just as the apostle Paul writes:

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved. Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ." (1 Cor 10:31-11:1)

Though it’s not exactly clear in the midst of conflict, the best way to approach glorifying God is by drawing attention to His grace which is His, love, mercy, forgiveness, strength, and wisdom that He gave to us in Jesus. When we participate in God’s grace we are able to breathe that grace back out to others which entails confessing our own wrongs while talking about what their faults brought to the conflict as well. Even if there is only one person in the conflict that is manifesting the fruits of the Spirit; love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, others are less likely to react harshly and listen to your concerns.

Speaking the Truth in Love

In the worship song “Hosanna” there is a great line that says, “Heal my heart and make it clean, open up my eyes to the things unseen, Show me how to love like you have loved me.” While the whole lyric is important, the last third is what you need to ask God for when you need to speak the truth in love. Speaking the truth in love shows that you have a genuine concern for the other's interests and not just your own. After all, there are two people in the conflict not just one. It’s much wiser to take a gentler approach so that you do not evoke their anger (Prov 15:1).

The Adversary

When you are made into a new creation after accepting Christ you learn that you have the power to bring peace to yourself and with others through Christ. This peace doesn’t always look perfect and sometimes it seems distant, I’ll give you that. This difficulty comes from two places. The first is from our own actions and the actions of other people. The second comes from the enemy of God, Satan, whose name means adversary, and you can better believe that he’ll do everything he possibly can to promote conflict among the body of believers as well as non-believers. However, you need to be careful how much of your conflict you can blame on Satan. It would be foolish to deny holding yourself accountable for your actions and encouraging others to do the same thing. There are also practical problems that arise from conflict that demand realistic solutions.

Conclusion

Lastly (maybe), depending on the severity of the conflict, one of the wisest things you can do is involve a responsible third party. If you’re in a family setting this perhaps means that you involve a pastor or a family counselor. If your conflict is in the setting of the workplace then you absolutely need to involve management somehow. A responsible business will have trained their managers with how to deal with internal conflict among their employees. Any business that brushes off an internal conflict is doing a huge disservice to its workers. 

The issue of conflict is a lot more complex than a simple blog post can address, and really this is just a drop in the bucket. If you want a good resource that covers the subject of conflict then I recommend the book "The Peacemaker" by Kenneth Sande. While the book is way more in depth it is not overly long and it is also incredibly easy to relate to. And of course you can also ask me questions.

     

Resources:
     
Sande, Kenneth. The Peacemaker. 3rd ed. Grand Rapids: Baker, 2012. Print.