Life With Anxiety

I'm not sure what it is with my generation, the millennials, and anxiety. It seems every time I get onto social media I see some post about it. In fact, since there is so much about it out there now, the temptation is to wonder if people aren't confusing it for something else, or are just trying to seek attention. The latter part could be true, but we as a people have already become so dismissive of each other that I do not want to add to that problem. And then, of course, there is the fact that I myself publicly admitted last week that I've experienced several anxiety attacks within the last month or so.

My attacks have interfered with everything, work, faith, family, and self-worth. They didn't just come out of nowhere. Since these recent episodes happened I have had to look back through my life and see if I had anything similar happen. I remember around the age of 19 that, at times, before I would work, I would lay in bed until the last possible second trying to calm myself. I can't remember much in between now and then, whether or not I had such levels of anxiety.

So, what causes anxiety? What triggers these attacks? I'm like Jon Snow with these questions, I know nothing. It could be something specific and it could be a lot of things all at once. I've had people ask me what I think trigger my anxiety attacks and I have to tell them the same thing. When I experienced my attacks, my brain swirls with thoughts that don't really center on anything in specific and then I find myself unable to breath correctly, like I have I am trying to catch my breath after a furious sprint. Through it all there is the a large undercurrent of fear.

So, how do I deal with it? The truth is, I didn't for a few weeks. I lived in a state of confusion, fear, and guilt. Sometimes it would manifest into another anxiety attack and sometimes it would manifest into secret tears after I knew my wife was sleeping. But.... Have you ever been just so tired of something that you become disgusted with it? Imagine that you have this "friend" that's been hanging around with you and they're always insulting you, or saying something negative. Then you look at them and realize you're tired of their crap. That's kind of how it is for me right now, and it's helping me get through it.

I did mention above that my anxiety had been messing with my ability to work. I'm on my 3rd job in a month and a half. I, however, need to work. It's not an option to not work. Thankfully, I've been able to make it through two weeks. There were a bunch of Bible verses that people I respect gave me in order to help me. Pretty much all of them gave me "there is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear," which is from 1 John 4:18. This verse has led me on an odyssey of sorts because pondering it has led me to other parts of scripture that has allowed me to create a strategy.

There is this part in Matthew 7 where Jesus is talking about asking our heavenly Father for something. He says if even wicked men can give good gifts, how much better will the gift we receive from God be since he is goodness Himself. That is how I see having a job in spite of my anxiety. I have asked God that he would help me get a job. Being that I have a job now, I consider that a good thing. Since God gives us good things then, I consider this job to be from God. It isn't a perfect theology, maybe not even a good interpretation, but it has allowed for a little peace. It  also has me wanting to see it through, and gets me thinking that there will be something better waiting on the other side of all this. I'll take that over anxiety any day.

There are other things that have helped me too and in the following weeks I think I'll be blogging about them. If you're like me, and are experiencing anxiety, I encourage you to admit it. I encourage you to get therapy, especially if it is majorly interfering with your life. I also want to encourage you to not withdraw from your life. Anxiety wants to isolate us so that it can rule over us. Don't let that happen, there is help.